“Inconclusive”

So they couldn’t do anything about the fact that I’m probably in real fucking danger. The police just wrote it off as either a coke addict wandering through the woods or an actual pedophile and they said they can’t do anything until they actually SEE the guy. I’m not dumb though. I can tell they’re just super fucking sick of hearing from my family and they think we’re just a bunch of schizoes. Goddammit I wish I could go back in time and actually fix my parents reputation. But life isn’t fair for us. People think we’re the fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre rednecks at this point. That sucks so fucking much, yknow? I’m not Ed fucking Gein about to make couches out of human skin. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t funny most times but right now it’s the least funny thing I can imagine. Did I not panic enough for the police to give a shit?

The footprints have mostly been snowed over at this point. We’re still looking out for whatever or whoever left them but I don’t know if he’ll be back. He probably knows that the cops are on his ass. That’s probably the most reassuring thing about this whole situation and I kind of have to count my blessings where I can even get them. I have officially been shot in the dick, balls, and now all the bullets are going directly in my asshole where they go to die. To be honest, I’ve been squeezing my cheeks together so fucking hard this entire time that I’m convinced that I’ll start shitting diamonds. We’re gonna be rich, dammit! In other news, I’ve been reading some really shit fanfic on Fanfiction.net entirely to laugh at stupid people (don’t get the wrong idea!) and a massive amount of people have been saying “he lathed my cock”. Now, this doesn’t mean anything to most people. But to me this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard because my mom works with metal. “Lathing” means to shave and shape metal. You’re turning your penis entirely smooth and shiny you dense assholes. Do you absolute idiots want Terminator penis? Is this the ultimate white woman fantasy? God dammit I’ve been doing this all wrong. I need to Total Recall my bullet-riddled dick and balls and replace them with the Tetsuo the Iron Man drill cock. We live in the future. Only ten more years until Marty McFly comes over and sees our cool ass hologram sharks after all. We have to get rid of our weak ass flesh and replace it with metal fucking PRONTO! Dammit. I might be the futuristic Ed Gein after all. Time for Leatherface X where Franklin gets shot off into space on his fucking rinky-dink wheelchair.