I hate college

My sister’s leaving for art college. She got this fucking insane scholarship that basically guarantees that she’ll get in for free. Apparently the college fucked up and shes starting a semester early and none of us were really prepared at all. I thought I had time to get over it but no. She’s going across the fucking country to Florida. That means that we won’t be able to afford plane tickets to visit her. This is bullshit! I thought I still had time but I can’t do anything. I can’t say goodbye in a way that’s gonna fucking matter. So what can I do? Genuinely what do I do? She’s leaving immediately after Christmas. That’s just seven days I can’t say goodbye in that time. I don’t want to get left here with my fucking parents. I sound like a fucking pussy jesus christ but I don’t want to get left behind

I’m so tired of nobody seeing this goddammit I want to talk to somebody who gets it. I want to talk to someone directly but I’m a fucking pussy and I don’t know how to talk to people. I tried and I just lock up like a retard. I’m so fucking tired of people treating me like the quiet kid that’s gonna shoot up the school eventually I want to be fucking wanted. That’s not even a big ask I just

Actually.

I don’t know if that’s what I want.

I haven’t really talked about this because it makes me sound like a fucking pussy but

I don’t actually know what I want from life

Everybody keeps saying I’ll figure it out in time but

when will I?

When is "soon"?

Would it fucking kill whoever’s in charge to give me a concrete answer?

Would he have a fucking heart attack and die on the spot if it meant I wouldn’t be terrified going through my own life?

I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me it’s gonna be alright.

Just my luck that that person is Sandra.

Just my luck that she’s gonna be gone and we won’t have any chance to visit her.

Just my luck. My shitty, shitty luck.