Alien

Today we all got called outside to watch the marching band and football team do a mandatory tribute to Mike. It’s definitely because he was ON the team and they wouldn’t have done anything on this scale for any other kid. It was weirdly high effort too. They got fucking pyrotechnics and I swear to god they nearly lit the whole football field on fire. Our school can’t afford to get the mice out but they can afford a massive jerkoff session. What honestly makes it suck more is how a good 80 percent of people in the bleachers were getting misty eyed. Actually let me try and illustrate what I’m trying to say because I suck ass at explaining. It really felt like only three genres of guy were there

1. The people this was actually for. People that liked Mike.

2. The cameramen broadcasting the event to the world.

3. The people that didn’t care.

Guess where I am?

Am I being fucking Truman Showed? That’s just what it all feels like. I’m not trying to say that Johnny’s feelings aren’t real but it just feels like I’m so deeply divorced from reality. Seventh grade to now has just been a blur and not much else. I feel like I’m going fucking insane. Is it normal to feel like you’re just puppeteering a body? Is this what everybody meant when they said growing up would be hard? Sorry i got reslly fucking distracted what am i even saying

maybe ill understand later when im more grown up

i just have to be a man

maybe this is what mike felt and that made him walk out