Noah

So I met the guy himself. The guy the Internet’s been kind of obsessing over for months. Mr. ShadowZengetsu76 himself. And he both is exactly what he seems like online and not at all. And I can tell he hates me. I get why to be honest but I tried making a real effort to become his friend but he just would not have it. We all were just crouched behind a shitty 7/11 for 7/11 day lauging and hes just sat against the wall staring at me. He’s genuinely fucking furious at me and I did go over to him to start a conversation with my shitty conversation skills that have rotted over my 16 years on this planet without a friend to my name like some sort of shitty Oliver Twist. Anyway jesus christ he just didn’t look me in the eye when I tried talking to him. I tried successfully one time and this is what it boiled down to.

“Hey”

and silence

”My name’s Keith what’s yours”

still fucking nothing and then

”listen. i know why johnny invited you along.”

”What’s up”

”everybody’s just trying to forget that anything even happened. don’t be fooled by the memorial bullshit hung up in the gym it’s just a way for them to act like they even give a shit. it’s exactly the same with you. you didn’t know mike. you’re just a cheap way to make tyler and johnny feel like they can move on from mike ever being their friend ok?”

I was stunned into silence. This guy’s an asshole but I get where he’s coming from. So I say that.

“I get it”

”get what? that you’re just a replacement for somebody better or that you know what it’s like? stop kidding.”

”First thing. I get that but you don’t have to be an asshole about that”

“that’s the only way people’ll get the message. you really don’t get that even when i’m spelling it out for you?”

”you’re hopeless” and he sent me on my way.

Everything he said was clear enough. I just wonder what he meant by “vein thing” in today’s entry. His arms looked normal as far as I could tell. I couldn’t really see them that well because he was wearing a long-sleeved sweater. In July. Crazy fuck. I do have to be honest about the fact that he was a complete dickhead because that's the most striking thing to be honest. But I wasn't focusing on that.

There's something on his mind. There's something deeply wrong and I don't think Tyler or Johnny have noticed it. There's something in his eyes (not a fucking camera lens, what are you? stupid?) that says what's wrong more than anything. I think he knows how people percieve him online.

As much as Tyler wants to keep him sheltered for whatever reason, it's inevitable that he'd find out. I can't really imagine what that's like, having everybody all over you mid-grief.

I can't talk to him. He'd look at me like I'm his ultimate enemy again.

What do I do?