She left

We said bye to Sandra today. Watching her go with her best friends giggling with excitement is a feeling I can’t really describe. I’m not mad but I kind of am at the same time. Seeing them go made me think for a moment that that’s what I want. I didn’t really give a fuck before but I really am starting to realize how lonely I actually am. She’s really my only friend. It sounds gay but I wish I had that kind of friendship where I could hold hands with my friends and do shit like giggle joyfully and fucking never mind thought canceled i sound like a fucking faggot.

This whole thing made Christmas really hard to enjoy honestly. Her going just made Christmas sting that much more. I think I’m alone there actually. My parents and Sandra all seemed to really enjoy themselves so maybe I’m just a bastard. Honestly maybe my parents are happy that she’s not gonna be around. I wonder if they even wanted kids anyway?

It’s gonna be lonely here.