New Years 2006

It’s the New Year. Fresh pussy year, with a new pair of underwear and a banging fucking shower. I was celebrating the day (and don’t forget my 15th birthday) by watching King of the Hill with Tyler and Johnny and syncing up Peggy’s skydiving accident and subsequent Fat Albert reference to the ball dropping. We all lost our fucking minds which should honestly go without saying. It sounds lame as hell but it was genuinely rapturous. I wouldn’t even mind if at that exact moment all my arteries got clogged by the amount of Dr Pepper gay Hank Hill buttchugged in college and my heart stopped. That would land me directly in Vallhalla no doubt. Don’t even worry about how it got there. FUck it. Psychically induced cholesterol. Make any sense? No, of course not!

Gay Hank Hill aside, this was probably the best birthday I could have had. We were just fucking around all night and NOT fucking in the gay sense. Don’t get it twisted. I absolutely killed in Mario Party by the way. Ask me to button mash I’ll mash like your mom in bed mashing the g-spot. The joke is that I am fornicating with your mom. Having sex. Having sex. Also, being absolutely off your rocker from sleep deprivation at 5 AM watching Harold And Kummlord Go Eat A Burger is a spiritual experience the Buddha would start drinking over. He knows he can’t deal with that! He can’t come close.

Anyway happy fifteen to me. This year should be good.